my thoughts on religion.

I don't know if I believe in a God in Heaven who watches over us. I don't know if I believe Jesus Christ really did perfom miracles when he was alive. But I think I believe in... something.

Maybe that's just cause I was raised religious. But at the same time, I wasn't raised super religious.

It was just sort of a thing, that happened to exist. And it was a thing that my family happened to believe in. Nothing more, and nothing less. We're Catholic, in the sense that all of us have been baptised in the name of God, and all of us have done our confirmation, and first communion, and all that jazz.

But, we don't go to church, like ever. We maybe go for a baptism if one of my cousins has one, but otherwise we don't go to church. We don't pray at every meal, instead hiding away in our own little spots of the house at dinner to eat our food. We barely follow any traditions that are actually religious, at least not anymore. We used to put up a little clay nativity scene during Christmas, but that's not been done for a while.

I'd say that we don't pray at all, but I do still pray sometimes. It was something my mum accidently taught me to do, really. When we were driving somewhere, and there was an ambulence with lights and sirens, she'd say a Hail Mary for the paramedics. I started doing it too. I've done it since I was little, and I'll probably keep doing it forever.

I think I believe in a Heaven and a Hell. But I think I believe in them in the same way I believe in my luck when I decide to roll my dice in a gacha game. I know the answer I want to be real, that my loved ones are somewhere safe and happy and that terrible horrible people are getting the consequences they've earned, but I know the odds are I'll get something I don't want. I guess I don't really want to think about whether I can't apologise to the people I've lost, to see the pets I've lost again.

Do you think if God was real, the world would be as cruel as it is?

I think it still would be.

I don't think God would understand humans, or their emotions, much like we don't understand ants, or their pheromones. But I still think He'd try, sometimes. Maybe some of the nice things that exist are His doing.

But I think most of it is just us, the ants to God, making something He doesn't understand.

Yet He loves us anyway, or something like that.